The Diagnosis

I hardly know where to begin today. I wonder how so much can change in such a short time. One week ago things were going along fairly smoothly, and with a phone call, my life about which I was so certain is suddenly not so certain after all.
You see, I have been diagnosed with colon cancer. I had no warning, no real symptoms and I only found out what was happening through a routine colonoscopy. Yes, there is cancer in my family but not this kind. My mother and my sister have had breast cancer and I had been diagnosed with precancerous cells in my breast 22 years ago. I took the necessary steps then and I thought I was home free. A great niece was diagnosed with colon cancer over a year ago, but all the physicians tell me since she is not a primary relative, there is probably no connection. Still I wonder. Does that mean that our family carries this particular gene and what does this mean for my children and my grandchildren?
What is so frightening is the fact that the tumor is large, much larger than I would have expected. So much for catching it early. And I think about what would have happened if I had waited any longer. I was not scheduled to have this test for another year. So, I will have surgery this Friday. I have been alternating between anger and wanting to deny anything is wrong. But I know deep down I just want this thing taken out. I don't want to waste any time. Do what has to be done now. Don't wait.
I have cried and asked why. God brought me through a devastating event one year ago and I thought that was enough. Why should my family have to go through this again? They sat by my bed for weeks during the summer of '07. Now it begins again and it doesn't seem right or fair.
But go through it I will with my family by my side. And, I know that my faith will carry me as surely as it has carried me through other trials in the past. I am praying for strength for my husband, my children, my grandchildren and my congregation who I love dearly. As I pray and think I remember last Sunday at the close of worship, just before I told the church of my diagnosis, we sang I Know Whom I Have Believed and the words from the chorus come back to me me:
I know whom I have believed and am persuaded
that he is able to keep that which I've committed
unto him against that day.